(A self appreciation post)
Hey!!
This is my 25th story. 25 stories of consistency and not giving up. I committed to the story mesh 3 months ago. Promised myself that whatever it takes, I would not give up. This was my only way out. I promised that I would post stories every Thursday and Sunday- even if there is no one to read them for months.
I am proud of myself that I began.
When I thought of this idea, I was immersed in self doubt. I haven’t written much before. Why would anyone read my stories? What if I give up like I always do whenever I start something? Would I be able to? Should I instead focus on finding my career rather than writing? What if I fail at this ? or maybe what if writing is just not for me? I haven’t put out my writing in the world before.
Deep down I knew this was the one thing I would not give up on. Whatever it takes. Never.
But falling prey to my self doubt, I began writing in secrecy. Not revealing my identity until one day I opened up to my friends and they convinced me to open up my writing to the world. I changed my Instagram page from riyasapra_ to thestorymesh.
I was nervous. I couldn’t sleep. The thought was haunting me but I trusted my intuitions and revealed myself. My true self to the world.
I began writing mythology stories and I was thrilled with the lovely inspiring responses. I began broadening my genre, one story at a time.
It was difficult somedays. I wanted to quit. I was drained of creativity but I kept up with my promise. No one could stop me from writing stories every Thursday and Sunday. I had my boards and yet I showed up. I had days when I could spare no time but yet I did not give up. Well, yes, this is a self appreciation post.
And today, here I am. 25 stories is not big, but it means a lot to me. To someone who had already given up so many times on projects she started and ended in less than a month or two. A few of them are known only to me and so I feel really really proud that I did not give up this time.
Moving into the past, I have been someone who has explored many career options. But in all those days of self doubt where I doubted if I would ever do something great or for then find what to do next. I had invested money in design workshops but it did not align with me. I invested in business management course but it did not align. I had thought over so so many careers that I forgot what I always wanted to be.
I remember, I always wanted to be an author. Always. But I did not pursue it, believing it to be a hobby and not a career. I had blindly accepted the societal norms. For years since then, I had been exploring.
One day, my father asked me to read out the article which was to be published in the Time of India. It was an article about architecture and our institution and as I read through, I was disappointed. I asked him if I could try writing it all over again once. (I hadn’t ever written any piece of writing except for the school essays).
I sat for hours, researching and writing something I did not know much about but It flowed through me. The article ended up being published in the newspaper a few days later. My father instilled in me the confidence that I could write better than a professional content writer. ( well, if you read the article, you would have the same thought. Maybe, the content writer was just beginning her journey or maybe she messed up for one time but that changed my life)I had my first ever published work at the age of 15 (or maybe 16).
It was my stepping stone. My family knew that writing aligned with me. I knew it aligned with my passion and my skills. Since then I began helping with office write ups whenever needed.
From 22 August 2020, amidst the Covid lockdown, I began waking up at 5am. And in those morning hours of serenity, All I did was read books and write letters to myself. I am not a diary person but letters to myself was something I loved to do. I did it only when I felt to write one. Other days I did what I have always known to do. Something I was always drawn to. Reading. Something I have been doing since I was a child. From Sudha Murty, 365 stories series and Amar Chitra Katha to novels, fiction and non fiction and self development books, I have come a long way.
Fast forward to October 2021. It had been months since I had given up on another career option after hovering over it for months. I wanted to do something. Great. I have always wanted to be known but I had no where to start.
One random night, I dreamt of a white horse. It was beautiful. I had my mind all in it for days. I couldn’t describe what it felt and how the horse was.
Another random day, I was on the streets in Aundh, waiting for someone. I was randomly typing alphabets and carving out words. Mesh was such a word that just came up. I searched up it’s meaning and I was awestruck as I realized it was the closest I could get to describe the horse. The white horse had wings made of mesh. Very thin and fine mesh.
I fell in love with the word, it’s meaning and the white horse. And I came up with – The Story Mesh.
I wanted it to be different, but after brainstorming for days no creative idea emerged. I thought- let me start. Somewhere. Anywhere maybe. And I began putting out stories. Any genre. Anything that I felt writing deeply for. One story at a time. And when the time is right, the idea would emerge. Until then, I’ll write.
I have been always asked, what is ‘the story mesh’ and I have always failed to convey what it is for me and what is the project. Well, I do not have a plan. I do not plan out my stories. I just sit out there and write whatever flows through me. Some Thursdays fantasy emerges while some Sundays mythology does. Some days an altogether different genre flows and I embrace it.
Getting back to the question, as the name suggests, The Story Mesh is stories. I have always wanted my life to revolve around stories. To read them. To witness them. To write them or maybe to being a story myself.
So in a broader aspect, it is something close to stories.
And my future plans with The Story Mesh? Well, again, I do not have it planned out. But besides including these stories in my portfolio, these stories are also my stepping stones for my greatest dream. Being an author. I couldn’t just have a story idea and begin writing. I had to have writing skills of an author. A storyteller. So these stories strengthen my skills. 25 stories and I have already seen the curve rise. Compounding the effect of consistency and hard work, these small every week stories would mold my novel.
So even if these stories don’t go up anywhere, even if there aren’t hundreds of readers, these stories are the small moments that would mold my dream. I have connected with myself deeper than I ever did.
Maybe everything I have written won’t make sense to you but to me, it is a small world I live in. I world I immerse myself in every moment. A world where I dream. I write for myself. I connect with myself and my stories. They heal me and inspire me. Whenever I feel low I either grab a book or one of these stories that make me believe in myself again.
Today, I am still unsure about my future. I still haven’t planned out my career. I am still no where. But I am grateful that I began and I committed. I am grateful to all those people who replied to my stories. I have each one of your message with me in my diary. They keep me going. I am grateful for all the readers. Grateful to my family and friends who have supported me. Always.
And lastly, grateful to the 10 years younger Riya who dreamt of becoming an author. I promise you, your dreams would come true. I would make them come true. And to the 3 months younger Riya, I am grateful that you began writing. One story at a time.