“How does it feel?” asked Aadhya.
“To be lost?” replied the stranger with a soft smile on her face.
“It must be haunting.”
“No. It feels haunting when we believe we belong, but we don’t. It is haunting when we exist. When we are alive but we just exist. But do you know what haunts every soul?”
Aadhya shook her head, raising her gaze to the dark sky.
“Regrets,” said the stranger in a low voice with a heavy sigh.
Aadhya’s eyes were restraining her tears from erupting. She wanted to give up. To end her life and give another chance to herself. To start all of it again. To live again. Maybe in another life, she would feel belonged. The moon had casted its spell on the dark sky. The words of the stranger were soothing Aadhya’s mind. As the girls sat on the freezing floor of the terrace, they embraced each other’s story, gazing at the city lights. Just one step ahead and she would die. Release her soul trapped in this miserable life.
“It must be beautiful on the other side. No feelings. No fears.” wondered Aadhya.
“But what if we die with regrets? What if after we die we wished we would have survived just another day?”
“There isn’t any reason to survive. My days are just the same, and every night I fall asleep fearing I would wake up tomorrow. Why to live a life when we truly do not live?” said Aadhya, wiping her tears.
“I have felt it. To wake up and exist through another day. But today I wonder what would life be if I hadn’t given up.” replied the stranger, her face cold and empty.
“You gave up?” asked Aadhya narrowing her eyes, searching answers in the emptiness of the stranger.
“And I regret it. What if I hadn’t? I feel lost here. Every moment wondering if I could have given myself a chance in the same life instead of hoping to get another chance in the next life. I could have made it. I could have changed everything. I felt that I had given myself enough chances already and my life was meant to be this but I shouldn’t have given up. I should have taken another chance and another until I made my way out.”
“But what if we are meant to live a life so miserable?”
“Yes, we are meant to live this life but sometimes I feel maybe we were meant to live our lives because we also had the power within to live this life. Think deeply. Being lost in a world that feels empty, living through the stories of many like you, all I have realized is maybe we were chosen to live this life because we have the strength within to live it. The answers lie within. But sometimes, we give up and end up feeling lost on the other side. Regretting what life would have been if we would have given ourselves just one more chance. Or two maybe.”
“That raises hopes. Hope that maybe tomorrow could get better.”
“Oh, no-no. It just doesn’t get better. You have to make it better. Not breaking the loop of waking up, existing, and sleeping to wake up another day just to exist would lead you nowhere. It is difficult. I have known it as closely as you have but you must usher yourself into the life you feel belong in. A life you live. You would fail today. And you would fail tomorrow but have you seen any story without setbacks and failures? Tragedies make stories. And if you feel lost and failed, why don’t you see it as a twist in your tale. And maybe, if you conquer this tragedy, you will have your story known.” The stranger took a deep breath and held Aadhya’s cold hand in hers. She smiled and continued.
“Aadhya, I have lived a life worse than yours. I had given up, so I do not have the right to stand and put in deep thoughts that I failed to follow. But I know, if I had known all of it while I lived, I wouldn’t have ended my life. I wouldn’t have taken the step and fallen from this building. I thought that maybe this life is not worth living and maybe I would feel better on the other side. I used to cry all night and suffer all day. My mind was exhausted. I had tried to make my life better but every time I rose to lead a happy and contented life, my life reminded me that I am trapped. Every time I tried to smile, life made sure that I would cry next. When I took my last breath, I knew that all of it would end. But all I died with is regrets. Regret that I did not commit to life and its challenges. Regret that I did not accept myself as I am. Regret that I gave up too early. Regret that I ended my life too soon and took the final breath. Maybe this is my way of living now. To not live but exist. To not let someone like me give up too soon. To not let many like you end their lives and regret their choices when they feel lost on the other side. It all lies within you. You were chosen to live this life because you have the power to live it.”