“I shouldn’t have said that. I hate myself and every cell of my body to curse Vasudev” sobbed Gandhari. It was a gloomy evening, and the blindfolded Queen was in her chambers, cursing herself for the happenings of the past. Her heart cried that evening, blind in the love of her 100 sons that died in the greatest war of history and she knew that someway she ignited the war.
“Hatred engulfed me, I couldn’t hold upon my grief and pain anymore. At that moment it was the only outlet I found…. horror struck me after I realized what I did…I cursed Vasudev!!! Forgive me, Lord, I regret it, I deeply do… My life feels like a curse. I cannot take it anymore” cried the Queen.
“Cursed to bear the death of her 100 sons…. cursed to hear the lament of my father’s and brother’s death. They were starved to death because of me. Their cries still echo in my mind. Cursed to be married to a blind king… cursed to witness the greatest war of history. Did I ignite the war? Hadn’t I blindfolded myself for my entire life, maybe my children would have been alive today? Maybe all those families wouldn’t have suffered. Maybe I would have been a stronger and more nurturing mother, not blind in the love of her children. I did it, I am the reason for the deaths of many. I am the reason for the war.
Unable to see me as the queen of a blind husband, I blindfolded myself forever. What if I did not? ” The Queen gently closed her eyes, letting the memories of the morning rush into her mind and haunt her.
” Vasudev, You will suffer the pain that I did. You had the power within you but you did not protect my children. You caused the war. Can’t you hear the curses of all those who died echoing from the land of Kurukshetra? Can’t you hear the cries of all the families that lost their sons in the war? Can’t you feel the pain erupting from my heart? I lost all my children. I lost my brother. You could have avoided the war. Why isn’t it haunting you just as it is not letting me breath? It was for you that the Pandavas won and it was for you that my son died, Duryodhan, Duhsasan, and all my 100 children died. It was for you that Dushala lost her brothers. I died in a way Vasudev. You preach of Dharma, but you are the biggest Adharmic soul. You were the reason that Duryodhan died, if it hadn’t been for you, it was impossible to kill my son. All of us suffered. But you, you were spared from the evils of the war.
I, Gandhari, the queen of Hastinapur curse you to suffer. The way my children, my loved ones died will your loved ones die. Your entire kingdom would die. And they would rip each other’s bodies, kill their own loved ones just as the Kurukshetra witnessed brothers killing their own brothers. Family killing their own family. Your golden city of Dwarka would submerge in the sea just as my kingdom submerged in the sea of sorrow and deaths. You would die alone, unable to protect yourself or your clan just as I was, unable to avoid the deaths of my children. You would bear the sight of the end of your clan, just as I did Vasudev.” Gandhari fell to the floor, her heart erupting with hatred and grief. The worst a mother could face is the sight of her children dying. She was devastated. Krishna, with tears in his eyes but a faint smile walked towards her and held her. Both of them had suffered. The pains of Vasudev were hidden behind the veil of his smile.
“Mata” whispered Krishna. “I understand your pain Maa, your sorrow and your hatred towards me but know that I too suffered. When the greatest warriors died at the field of Kurukshetra, I died in a way. When lakhs of innocent lives ended, it was I who grieved their loss Mata. When your children died, I felt the pain of their death. Each and every death at the battle was like a edged sword cutting through my heart Mata. Forgive me, my heartfelt condolence to you. I feel you but the war was inevitable. I couldn’t avoid it. It wasn’t me who fired the war, it was the destiny. And just as the destiny says, your curse would come true. My family, my people, the Yadavas would kill each other. I would die, unarmed. Unable to protect my people.” Krishna wiped his tears, bearing his faint smile. The smile of acceptance of love and hatred.
I respect you. I bow at you Mata. And with love comes sorrow, and if this is what you want, it would happen. I have always accepted your love. So I, Vasudev Krishna, would not deny your curse. ”
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