My life was a curse, and it was Bhishma who locked the curse upon me. The fire of hatred is running through my veins and now I cannot wait a day more to avenge the greatest warrior of our time. He must die. He who destructed my entire life must die.
The pyre is ready, the fire is ready to consume me and so shall I die, Amba, and I will be reincarnated as the cause of Bhishma’s death. I must die today, tonight in this cold dark night on the banks of Yamuna. Alone. As I move closer to the fire pyre, the fire within me is blazing and consuming me, and with that comes all the beautiful memories of my life. tears roll down my cheeks as I sit here, alone in the middle of nowhere.
The days of me as a child with my sisters, merrily dancing and singing in the gardens of Kashi, the days of father teaching us the science and use of weapons, ohh I remember how amazed we were at his skills, observing his hands at the sword and the arrows. The days of mother composing our personalities into the beautiful and strong women we were. The day I met Salva and then the day of Swayamvar. the day that changed my life.
It was such a beautiful day, me, Ambika and Ambalika were in the chambers, getting ready, all gigling and smiling. I remember each moment of the day, as we entered the hall where hundreds of kings and Princes were present and then there were us, choosing one of them as our wedded husband. My gaze never dozed off Salva, and so did his, we were determined to be destined together. My heart pounding, and my sisters excited but nervous, gracefully looking at each suitor. The day was cursed when Bhishma entered the hall, on his chariot. A warrior just as the blazing sun, armed, his body and face perfectly chiseled grabbed the 3 of us from our stands and pulled us into the chariot. No one dared to fight Bhishma, Salva did interrupt him but in vain, we were in Hastinapur long before anyone could defeat him.
The fire burnt within me since the moment he touched us and forcefully abducted us to marry his brother Vichitravirya. Ambika and Ambalika could not deny, they were terrifed but also not in love. They thought they had to marry someone and being the daughter-in-laws of Hastinapur, the Kauravas was a wise decision. I don’t blame them but I couldn’t marry him. Swayamvar is our right, it was our right to choose our husband, it is every woman’s right but Bhishma had pride as a Kshatriya abducting and forcefully marrying us.
And then there I was, in front of Salva. Well it isn’t that bad I thought when Bhishma let me go and marry Salva after I narrated him my feelings and reminded him of the rules set by god. But, Salva, he refused to hold my hand. How could he. I was heartbroken, not a cell in me believing the words he said when he denied marrying me. All my love and respect for him was broken and scattered in an instance.
Already broken, i returned to Hastinapur and there it was, my fate. Vichitravirya won’t accept me now and nor would Bhishma because of whom I suffered. My family denied me, my love denied accepting me, I felt lonely. The fire burnt so ferociously within me, it made me hate the world. I hated everyone, my family, Salva, but the most Bhishma, I wanted to pierce his heart with an arrow more than anything in the world. The society won’t accept a woman as me, so I was here, in the forests, swore to destroy him. The years passed by as I performed austerities on the bank of Yamuna, for days and for months. I even convinced the great Parshuram to defeat Bhishma and avenge him, the battle lasted for 23 days straight, Bhishma was undefeatable.
Passing years of my life in severe penances, Lord Shiva blessed me. All I desired of was to be born as a man and kill the greatest warrior. My soul could only then be at peace. He granted me the boon, I would be born as a son to Drupad, the king of Panchal and would remember everything of my previous life. And I would be the cause of Bhishma’s death.
He would die, I would kill him. And so It’s me into the fire tonight. Satisfying my soul and killing myself today so as to be reborn tomorrow to kill that man who is a curse. Only then the fire within me will be extinguished, only when I jump into the fire. The fire of hatred, the fire of revenge, the fire of destruction. and now, this is my last breath as Amba, last breath as a woman, I trust the lord and I trust the fire that is consuming my soul.
The fire feels hot, within and without. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes gently and step into the pyre. Step into another life where the story would continue and end. The end of Bhishma. The end of Amba’s curse. “For Bhishma’s destruction” I shout as my soul leaves my body.
2 Replies